Not a perfect son
by JustAnotherAveragePsycho
Summary: As Kurt watched his dad with Finn he was hundred percent sure, that he was not and he would never be a son his dad would want.


**A/N Ok, this is my first story _ever_ so, you know... it's NOT perfect. And it's un-beta'ed. And remember that english is not my native language so it's possible that there are errors. So just... be nice?**

As Kurt watched his dad and Finn having one of their 'father and son' moment he couldn't help but feel hurt. They were laughing, and Kurt's dad never talked with him about anything with such excitement.  
>This was one of the times when he missed his mom the most. She loved him, she loved him the way he was.<br>He knew that his dad loved him too, but that was the point. He loved him, because he was his dad. He had to love him.  
>They have nothing in common. Almost all his attempts at talking with his dad about something other than school, or food he's making ended with awkward silence which he always broke by saying that he has something to do and almost running to his room.<br>Finn is the son that his dad always wanted to have. Popular football and basketball player – a man.  
>Not a girly parody of a boy.<br>He saw how uncomfortable his dad was getting when he was talking about make up and fashion or how _ashamed_ his father was when he got 'too girly'.  
>Kurt layed down on his bed and curled into a ball. He grabbed his old stuffed dog and clutched it close to his chest.<br>He felt useless.  
>He wanted his dad to fully accept him, to love him. He wanted his daddy.<br>"Mom... Why did you have to leave us?" he whispered into the darkness. Tears started sliding down his cheek. "I miss you so much, mommy." he sobbed into his stuffed dog's head "I miss you so much... Why can't I be like any other boy? Why can't I be like _Finn_?"

He remembered his mom telling him that he was different. She always said, that it was a good thing, because it made him special, 'one of a kind'. But it also made him something his dad was ashamed of.  
>He wanted his dad to be proud of him. He remembered how wonderful he felt, when he saw his dad after that winning kick. He saw that he was proud. All that shouted 'this is my son!' made him more happier than anything, but it ended after few weeks. He quit from the football team and it got back to those awkward attempts at conversation. He tried to stay in the team for as long as he could, even when Karofsky and some of the others started to bully him again, clearly forgetting about what he had done for them.<br>Even though it was not just 'bullying'. It was pure violence.  
>Slushies were replaced with hard shoves against the lockers or walls. Dumpster dives changed to beatings after which they threw him into the garbage.<br>He tried to stay in the football team for his father, because they finally had something to talk about, but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

They weren't caught because they were always very careful to avoid his face. Even though his back and stomach were black and blue.  
>He was so good at hiding it that no one noticed. Well, almost no one.<br>One time when he was talking with Puck he forgot himself and raised his hands too high and that movement pulled his shit up revealing some of his stomach.  
>When he heard the other boy gasp he tried to cover himself and shrug it of by joking that he was surprisingly clumsy for a dancer, but the damage was done.<br>Puck stepped closer and ignoring the smaller boy's protests, he pulled Kurt's shirt up revealing his bruises. He was slightly mortified, and told Kurt to talk with somebody, _anybody_. But Kurt declined and actually _pleaded_ Puck not to tell anybody. Puck was resisting, but when he saw how desperate Kurt was, he agreed.  
>He couldn't tell anyone about this, because then it will be obvious that he didn't fit, that he was weak. That he was not a son that Burt Hummel would have.<p>

As Kurt watched his dad with Finn he was hundred percent sure, that he was not and he would _never_ be a son his dad would want.  
>He remembered that one time, when he got home after he was beaten up again, but this time worse because they hurt him <em>psychically <em>more then ever, his dad noticed that something was very much wrong. He asked what happened, but Kurt refused to tell.  
>He asked his dad if he could just hold him for a minute.<br>Burt didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around his son and held him tightly in his arms, just like when Kurt was a kid.  
>He didn't say anything as his arm started soaking from his son's tears.<br>He just held Kurt and let him clutch his shirt as if Kurt's life depended on it.  
>And Kurt didn't thought that tomorrow he'll be beaten again, and tomorrow there will be another awkward silence between him and Burt, because his dad was holding him in his arms, and it was all that mattered to him.<p> 


End file.
